&&i'll bet you talk to her alot more than me,
&& i'll bet i don't even come up,
&& i'll bet she's alot more fun to be with,
&& i'll bet if it wasn't for her, you'd have gotten rid of me.
you'd have, left it how it was,
silent&awkward&just about nonexistant.
you'd have, not answered my calls.
you'd have, found someone else to use.

so many years,
of calling you my best friend.
of relying on you,
and good, innocent, childhood fun.
all those years,
of late night baking,
and sleepovers.
thrown away by stupid teenage foolishness.

our friendship only repaired,
for her.
us barely talking only,
because of her.
our distantness would be less if it weren't,
for her.

tears slide down my face as i write this.
my final goodbye to you.
i've shed so many they seem like an old friend.
after the first blows were given,
i wanted to believe that you wanted the same as i.
but those were lies that i force fed to myself everynight,
as i laid in bed,
sleep threatning to take me in it's depth,
but thoughts of what happened pushing it away.

next in this pathetic story of mine,
came a thread of hope.
not one of my forcefed lies,
but real hope.
unfortunetly,
it was a false hope.
it led to nothing more than me sinking lower.
more blows delivered.

but i recovered,
not completly, but enough.
enough for me to get on my feet,
and act like a normal person.
not just lay still like a useless lump.

it didn't last long,
cause the next and perhaps final blows came.
after some more silence of course.
this, unlike the others was mutual.
and this unlike the other things, you aknowledged.

this blow, final or not.
is my last one.
it's the last i can take.
it seems more of an unwanted reminder,
of a friendship lost.
yet, i took your little apology.
pathetic as i am.
i accepted that small piece of hope.

i'll make no more first moves.
if you want to spend time with me,
you knew where i am.
you have multiple ways of contact.
i won't turn you away.
i'll accept gladly.
but i'm not going to be one the call.
when you're ready i'm here.

like they've all said,
time heals all wounds.
i just hope it doesn't take too long.